How to Interview a Family Member About Their Life Story
A practical guide to recording a life story interview with someone you love, from setup and questions to handling emotions and saving the recording.
By the AVATALK Team · Updated · 7 min read
A life story interview is a recorded conversation in which you ask a family member about their life, from childhood to today, and save their answers in their own voice. All you really need is a phone, a quiet room, a list of open-ended questions and the patience to listen more than you talk.
Families often wish they'd done this sooner. Stories that were told a hundred times at the dinner table can fade surprisingly fast once the storyteller is gone. A single afternoon of recording can save details no one else knows.
This guide covers everything: how to prepare, what equipment works, how to ask questions that lead to real stories, what to do when emotions come up, and how to make sure the recording lasts.
What makes a good life story interview?
A good interview feels like a relaxed conversation, not a quiz. The goal isn't to collect dates and facts. It's to capture stories, feelings and the way your relative talks: their phrases, their laugh, the pauses before they say something important.
The best interviews share a few things in common:
- The person agreed and feels in control. They know it's being recorded and why.
- Questions are open-ended. They invite stories, not one-word answers.
- The interviewer listens. Follow-up questions matter more than the prepared list.
- Sessions are short. Around 45 to 90 minutes, then a break or another day.
- The sound is clear. A quiet room makes a bigger difference than expensive gear.
How to prepare for the interview
Start by asking, not announcing. Explain that you'd love to record some of their stories so the family can keep them. Some people are thrilled. Others feel shy or worry they have nothing interesting to say. Reassure them that ordinary memories are exactly what you're after.
Agree on the basics
- Who will hear it. Just close family, or wider relatives too?
- Off-limits topics. Let them name subjects they don't want to discuss.
- The right to pause or delete. Promise they can stop at any time or ask you to cut something later, and keep that promise.
Do a little homework
Look through old photos, letters or documents beforehand. Talk to other relatives about stories they remember. This helps you ask specific questions like "Tell me about the farm in Ohio" instead of "Where did you grow up?"
Write a list of questions, but plan to use only some of them. Our lists of questions to ask your grandparents and questions to ask your parents are grouped by life stage, which makes it easy to plan one theme per session.
What equipment do you need?
Less than you think. A modern smartphone records good enough audio for a family interview. If you want to improve the sound, a small clip-on (lavalier) microphone that plugs into your phone is the single best upgrade.
- Recorder: a smartphone's voice memo app, or a dedicated digital recorder.
- Microphone (optional): a clip-on mic placed on your relative's collar, about a hand's width below the chin.
- Video (optional): a phone on a small tripod at eye level, with soft light from a window in front of them, not behind.
- Power and space: a charger nearby and plenty of free storage.
- Airplane mode or Do Not Disturb: so calls and alerts don't interrupt the recording.
For more detail on microphone placement and settings, see our guide on how to record a loved one's voice.
Setting up the room
Choose the room where your relative feels most at home, as long as it's quiet. Soft furnishings like sofas, rugs and curtains reduce echo. Kitchens and bathrooms are usually the worst rooms for sound.
Sit close, at a slight angle rather than directly across, which feels less like an interrogation. Keep water nearby. Put any photos or objects you want to ask about within reach, because holding a wedding photo or an old medal often unlocks memories that questions alone can't.
How to ask questions that lead to real stories
The way you ask matters as much as what you ask. A few simple habits make a huge difference.
- Start easy. Begin with their full name, where and when they were born, and their earliest memory. It warms them up and labels the recording.
- Ask for stories, not facts. "Tell me about the day you met Grandpa" works better than "When did you meet Grandpa?"
- Ask about senses. What did the house smell like? What songs were on the radio? Sensory questions bring back vivid detail.
- Follow the energy. If their eyes light up, stay there. Ask "What happened next?" or "How did that feel?"
- Get comfortable with silence. Count to five before you speak again. The best answers often come after a pause.
- Keep your reactions quiet. Nod and smile instead of saying "uh-huh" over their words, so the recording stays clean.
- End with reflection. Close with a question like "What are you most proud of?" or "What do you want your great-grandchildren to know?"
A simple life story interview plan
Here's a structure that works for a first 60-minute session. Adjust it to fit the person.
- Introduction (2 minutes): say the date, your name, their name and your relationship.
- Early life (15 minutes): family, the home they grew up in, school, best friends.
- Turning points (20 minutes): leaving home, first jobs, big moves, meeting a partner.
- Objects and photos (10 minutes): ask them to tell the story behind two or three items.
- Reflection (10 minutes): lessons learned, proudest moments, hopes for the family.
- Wrap-up (3 minutes): thank them, and ask if there's anything they wish you'd asked.
That last question is often the most rewarding. People frequently have a story they've been waiting to tell.
Handling hard memories and emotions
Life stories include loss, war, illness, divorce and regret. If your relative becomes upset, pause and ask whether they want to continue, take a break or move on. Let them lead. Never push for details they seem reluctant to share.
Tears aren't always a sign to stop. Sometimes people want to tell a painful story because they've never been asked. Your job is to listen kindly and respect their limits. If a difficult memory seems to stir up lasting distress, gently mention that talking with a counselor can help, and check in with them afterward.
If your relative has memory loss, keep sessions shorter and lean on photos and familiar music. Focus on long-ago memories, which are often easier to reach, and don't correct details. Their way of telling it is part of the record.
Where an AI avatar fits
A recorded interview preserves the stories one person chose to tell on one day. Some families want more: a way to keep asking questions over time. With AVATALK, a person can create an AI avatar of themselves from one photo, clone their voice with about two minutes of audio, and add stories, memories and personal details to their profile so family can have conversations with it.
The interviews you record can help your relative fill in that profile with their own words, and privacy settings let them control who can talk with the avatar. The key is that it's theirs: on AVATALK, an avatar can only be created by the person it represents, using their own face and voice. If that interests your family, you can join the AVATALK waitlist.
Frequently asked questions
How long should a life story interview be?
Aim for 45 to 90 minutes per session. Longer than that and most people get tired, which shows in their answers. It's better to do several shorter sessions on different themes, such as childhood, work and family, than to try to cover a whole life in one sitting.
Should I record audio or video?
Audio is easier and less intimidating, and clear sound is what matters most. Video adds facial expressions and gestures, which families often treasure. If your relative is comfortable on camera, record both. If video makes them nervous, start with audio only and add video in a later session.
What if my relative says they have nothing interesting to say?
This is very common. Reassure them that everyday details, like what school lunches were like or how they spent Saturdays, are exactly what future family members will love. Start with easy, specific questions and bring photos. Most people relax and open up within the first ten minutes.
Can I interview someone over a video call?
Yes. Use a call app that can record, or ask someone in the room with your relative to record locally on a phone, which usually gives better sound. Make sure they're in a quiet room with good light, and test the setup together before the real interview.
Do I need permission to record a family member?
Always ask first and make sure they understand how the recording will be used and who will hear it. Beyond being respectful, recording laws vary by place, and some require everyone's consent. Saying the date and confirming their agreement at the start of the recording is a good habit.